Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
Boys this one is going to be slow. I hardly slept since I hurt my Knecht. Cut me some clack. My brain isn't working, I cant Ajinca. (Will come off Rudy or Gay. DEAL WITH IT)
#1 SwampNets Select: Cooper “The Hooper” Flagg
The Swamp lands “can’t miss” white boy Cooper Flagg with the first overall pick in the 2025 SLN Draft and unless he's standing naked in front of your standard living room wall, you literally can't miss him. All season long SLN GMs have been going mad over this guy and so has the country. America is in a frenzy and the polarity is… well exactly how you’d expect.
A Threads user wrote “I thought Flagg was Blagg until I saw his first name is Cooper. How tf did a white man get drafted #1? SLN is RACIST!!”
On the other side of the extremist isle, an X user wrote “WAVE YOUR FLAGG!! We are taking our country back one 1st overall pick at a time. MURCA!!”
What the Flagg. What the Flaggy.
We have never seen a white American picked first overall in SLN (Chet HomieGren is black) and the NBA hasn’t had an American white go 1st overall since Kent Benson was selected 1st in 1977 by the Milwaukee Bucks.
The Swamp has been feeling the pressure from the incoming rule change next season. They must stop sucking… “N…No steven not you. Keep going. Just like that. Right there. Yup.”
If they don’t finish above .500 they will be relegated 7 spots in the following draft and building a team with a bunch of mid to late first rounders in a loaded Eastern Conference is a very tall order – some say trenta. Swamp will have their work cut out for them but this swamp is much less murky than yesterday and with their own Flagg to fly on the Castle, Swamp fans will be Lively.
#2 – Portland TrailBlazers Select: VJ "V'jajay" Edgecombe
Last season Portland executed one of the most successful soft tanks in history since WW2 when the US ARMY’s Ghost Army deployed inflatable tanks to fool those damn Nazis. Before trading Trez, Rudy, and Dwight Powell – this team was vying for the backend of the playoffs and, after jumping from 7th to 2nd overall, the Blazers drafted the super athletic defensive stopping playmaker out of Baylor – VJ Edgecombe. Quady must have spent a lot of braincells comparing Edgecombe to Harper to analyze their differences. Most real-life pundits would take Harper but don’t sleep on Edgecombe, especially in SLN. Edgecombe’s combination of talent, defensive capabilities, and freakish athleticism is extremely rare as there are few 2-way showstoppers in the league. He is far quicker than Harper, which leads me to believe his volume has a chance to be more potent and so long as he’s efficient the extra volume is welCOMBE. Love the pick Quady!
#3 Sacramento Kings Select: Dylan Harper
The freshman out of Rutgers would go #1 in most other drafts that don’t have a transcendent talent like a Flagg or Wemby. Harper is good at everything, bad at nothing, and has the size to dominate the point guard position. Harper’s outside game is a bit raw relative to starting PGs throughout the league, but most SLN GMs I know love it raw – especially with “star written all over him.” If Harper develops properly, he’ll be one of the few players standing at 6 foot 6 inches and 220lbs that can play point guard at an elite level. SCARY! Is he Russell Westbrook on the boards? Absolutely not. But he sounds like Cade Cunningham with better handles. Insane selection for the defending champs.
TRADE: KINGS TRADE SABONIS AND HARPER FOR JOKER !!
THIS LEAGUE!!
GREAT TRADE MEN!! The top of the west just loves trading with each other. Keep em comin!
Harper will find Phoenix just a little hotter than New Jersey, where he played both his high school and college ball. While Joker is 1 of 1, grabbing defending champion Sabonis (who's not too far behind) and a guy that could go #1 in most drafts is super intriguing and a classic fun Suns move. Phoenix is setting themselves up for a scorching future. Kings… well lets just hand them the trophy now.
#4 Minnesota Timberwolves select: Airious “Ace” Bailey
Bill Belichick must be on the payroll for both the KANGZ and TWolves since (surprise) another Scarlet Knight was taken in the top 4 of the draft. Airious has maybe the best frame in the draft and is working with a solid foundation, however, he needs some refinement with his shooting. Does that not sound like Minnesota? A team with a great frame, solid foundation in his frontcourt, and need refinement in shooting/managerial skills. Pankin is a new man. No more trotting out leftover FAs as starters, no more making almost zero offseason moves, and no more absent bird guys to create salary. JK still has no bird guys again but that was then and like J-LO – THIS IS NOW. Pankin is transforming his image – likely out of necessity since he’s fresh out of jail following the mass murder of every website he’s pulled data from. That dick is nuclear and after he finds his starting 3 to play alongside Ace (and an entire bench), his team will go nuclear too. Redemption is coming. Superb pick Pankin!
#5 San Antonio Spurs Select: Derik “DQ” Queen
Last year’s Spurs were one of the worst teams ever assembled and was entirely by design. Jordo would wake up in the middle of the night dripping in sweat (or at least that what he thought it was) shouting “BLACK DICK!! BLACK DICK!!” Over time the nightmares turned into dreams and dreams turned into vivid imaginings. Good news - the dark days are over. Jordo no longer wakes up in a fury screaming about his favorite-colored schlongs. Nowadays, the handsome Spurs GM has visions of black dicks swimming in a vanilla DQ Shake on a Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule and a MooLatte on Tuesdays and Thurdays. You don’t want to know Jordo’s happy-time dreams on the weekends. Jordo was so hooked on the phonics it didn't matter if he landed the 1st pick – Jordo was still drafting DQ. That is why my man, who used to be go by Whordo Jordo, has earned his new nickname The Design Queen, and of course he lands his mans.
Seriously, GREAT PICK!! Love DQ!! He is a complete post player with developing range and with that juicy potential - could see him blossom into a bonerfide star.
#1 SwampNets Select: Cooper “The Hooper” Flagg
The Swamp lands “can’t miss” white boy Cooper Flagg with the first overall pick in the 2025 SLN Draft and unless he's standing naked in front of your standard living room wall, you literally can't miss him. All season long SLN GMs have been going mad over this guy and so has the country. America is in a frenzy and the polarity is… well exactly how you’d expect.
A Threads user wrote “I thought Flagg was Blagg until I saw his first name is Cooper. How tf did a white man get drafted #1? SLN is RACIST!!”
On the other side of the extremist isle, an X user wrote “WAVE YOUR FLAGG!! We are taking our country back one 1st overall pick at a time. MURCA!!”
What the Flagg. What the Flaggy.
We have never seen a white American picked first overall in SLN (Chet HomieGren is black) and the NBA hasn’t had an American white go 1st overall since Kent Benson was selected 1st in 1977 by the Milwaukee Bucks.
The Swamp has been feeling the pressure from the incoming rule change next season. They must stop sucking… “N…No steven not you. Keep going. Just like that. Right there. Yup.”
If they don’t finish above .500 they will be relegated 7 spots in the following draft and building a team with a bunch of mid to late first rounders in a loaded Eastern Conference is a very tall order – some say trenta. Swamp will have their work cut out for them but this swamp is much less murky than yesterday and with their own Flagg to fly on the Castle, Swamp fans will be Lively.
#2 – Portland TrailBlazers Select: VJ "V'jajay" Edgecombe
Last season Portland executed one of the most successful soft tanks in history since WW2 when the US ARMY’s Ghost Army deployed inflatable tanks to fool those damn Nazis. Before trading Trez, Rudy, and Dwight Powell – this team was vying for the backend of the playoffs and, after jumping from 7th to 2nd overall, the Blazers drafted the super athletic defensive stopping playmaker out of Baylor – VJ Edgecombe. Quady must have spent a lot of braincells comparing Edgecombe to Harper to analyze their differences. Most real-life pundits would take Harper but don’t sleep on Edgecombe, especially in SLN. Edgecombe’s combination of talent, defensive capabilities, and freakish athleticism is extremely rare as there are few 2-way showstoppers in the league. He is far quicker than Harper, which leads me to believe his volume has a chance to be more potent and so long as he’s efficient the extra volume is welCOMBE. Love the pick Quady!
#3 Sacramento Kings Select: Dylan Harper
The freshman out of Rutgers would go #1 in most other drafts that don’t have a transcendent talent like a Flagg or Wemby. Harper is good at everything, bad at nothing, and has the size to dominate the point guard position. Harper’s outside game is a bit raw relative to starting PGs throughout the league, but most SLN GMs I know love it raw – especially with “star written all over him.” If Harper develops properly, he’ll be one of the few players standing at 6 foot 6 inches and 220lbs that can play point guard at an elite level. SCARY! Is he Russell Westbrook on the boards? Absolutely not. But he sounds like Cade Cunningham with better handles. Insane selection for the defending champs.
TRADE: KINGS TRADE SABONIS AND HARPER FOR JOKER !!
THIS LEAGUE!!
GREAT TRADE MEN!! The top of the west just loves trading with each other. Keep em comin!
Harper will find Phoenix just a little hotter than New Jersey, where he played both his high school and college ball. While Joker is 1 of 1, grabbing defending champion Sabonis (who's not too far behind) and a guy that could go #1 in most drafts is super intriguing and a classic fun Suns move. Phoenix is setting themselves up for a scorching future. Kings… well lets just hand them the trophy now.
#4 Minnesota Timberwolves select: Airious “Ace” Bailey
Bill Belichick must be on the payroll for both the KANGZ and TWolves since (surprise) another Scarlet Knight was taken in the top 4 of the draft. Airious has maybe the best frame in the draft and is working with a solid foundation, however, he needs some refinement with his shooting. Does that not sound like Minnesota? A team with a great frame, solid foundation in his frontcourt, and need refinement in shooting/managerial skills. Pankin is a new man. No more trotting out leftover FAs as starters, no more making almost zero offseason moves, and no more absent bird guys to create salary. JK still has no bird guys again but that was then and like J-LO – THIS IS NOW. Pankin is transforming his image – likely out of necessity since he’s fresh out of jail following the mass murder of every website he’s pulled data from. That dick is nuclear and after he finds his starting 3 to play alongside Ace (and an entire bench), his team will go nuclear too. Redemption is coming. Superb pick Pankin!
#5 San Antonio Spurs Select: Derik “DQ” Queen
Last year’s Spurs were one of the worst teams ever assembled and was entirely by design. Jordo would wake up in the middle of the night dripping in sweat (or at least that what he thought it was) shouting “BLACK DICK!! BLACK DICK!!” Over time the nightmares turned into dreams and dreams turned into vivid imaginings. Good news - the dark days are over. Jordo no longer wakes up in a fury screaming about his favorite-colored schlongs. Nowadays, the handsome Spurs GM has visions of black dicks swimming in a vanilla DQ Shake on a Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule and a MooLatte on Tuesdays and Thurdays. You don’t want to know Jordo’s happy-time dreams on the weekends. Jordo was so hooked on the phonics it didn't matter if he landed the 1st pick – Jordo was still drafting DQ. That is why my man, who used to be go by Whordo Jordo, has earned his new nickname The Design Queen, and of course he lands his mans.
Seriously, GREAT PICK!! Love DQ!! He is a complete post player with developing range and with that juicy potential - could see him blossom into a bonerfide star.
Last edited by heimer on May 2nd, 2025, 8:30 pm, edited 12 times in total.
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
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jwoo
- General Manager
- Posts: 3782
- Joined: December 30th, 2023, 3:58 pm
- Location: French Canada
- Contact:
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
chester holmgren unless minnesota doesnt count as a stateheimer wrote: May 2nd, 2025, 12:35 pm We have never seen a white American picked first overall in SLN
free healthcare has never been more important
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
chet is black wym
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
who’s we ?
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
will finish tomorrow
go rockets
go rockets
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
my bad @jordo that one got weird
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Promos:
Just the Tip-Off Opening Night- 10/31
Raw Dog with Gradey - Half Off Hot Dogs - 11/7
Go Balls Deep - Mini Basektball Giveaway- 12/24
No Pull Out Night - Gradey Plays 48 Minutes - 1/19
Wet Dick Night - Free Pepsi- 2/14
Load Management 3/4
Just the Tip-Off Opening Night- 10/31
Raw Dog with Gradey - Half Off Hot Dogs - 11/7
Go Balls Deep - Mini Basektball Giveaway- 12/24
No Pull Out Night - Gradey Plays 48 Minutes - 1/19
Wet Dick Night - Free Pepsi- 2/14
Load Management 3/4
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SWAMP STEVEN
- General Manager
- Posts: 1251
- Joined: January 5th, 2024, 2:11 pm
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
Yo I feel violated, but, like, good violated
*DJ DRAMA VOICE* OH YOU HEARD THE RUMORS [GANGSTA GRIZZILLZ] IT’S A MOTHERFUCKIN SWAMPSTORY!
*lighter flick* Never talk to the cops I don’t speak piglatin / I turned the Nets into the motherfuckin Swamp Dragons
*lighter flick* Never talk to the cops I don’t speak piglatin / I turned the Nets into the motherfuckin Swamp Dragons
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2025)
The only reason I was sad about falling in the lotto was that I couldn’t get a write up sooner
Promos:
Just the Tip-Off Opening Night- 10/31
Raw Dog with Gradey - Half Off Hot Dogs - 11/7
Go Balls Deep - Mini Basektball Giveaway- 12/24
No Pull Out Night - Gradey Plays 48 Minutes - 1/19
Wet Dick Night - Free Pepsi- 2/14
Load Management 3/4
Just the Tip-Off Opening Night- 10/31
Raw Dog with Gradey - Half Off Hot Dogs - 11/7
Go Balls Deep - Mini Basektball Giveaway- 12/24
No Pull Out Night - Gradey Plays 48 Minutes - 1/19
Wet Dick Night - Free Pepsi- 2/14
Load Management 3/4
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