Top storylines for each team - as of day 85
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mantypas/CavsCzar
- General Manager
- Posts: 2576
- Joined: December 20th, 2023, 12:06 pm
Top storylines for each team - as of day 85
I started writing this day 60 then got sidetracked then had a bunch of travels so did this in transit. Was initially going to insult all 29 teams in opposite fashion of Hoff, but leaving that one up to you Joe! Thanks to Hoff for the inspiration though, we need more content and in your knight in glistening armor (you thought I’d say shining, I thought about it). As my father says, let’s get this show on the road (this is after he peppers me with insults until I cry). Trigger warning - a decent bit of satire here , nobody get too butthurt.
Atlantic Division:
Orlando Magic: Will the Magic stay healthy to get to the playoffs and finally get over the hump and into the finals?
This team is so stacked after they acquired Jamal Murray. They got hit with a long Edey injury. Will they hold position in a hotly contested east?
Boston Celtics: Has the HC penalty somehow rejuvenated this team?
I think the real reason for the Celtics success this season is the newfound Jabari at SG TC plus TC gains from Reed Sheppard, and also this team has had the bones for a few seasons. But it’s funny to think about the fake players rallying together against Ashes Silver judgement gavel.
Washington Bullets: LeBron Shebron - AD is the real engine of this team and Bronnys new father.
Stephen A would be freaking out. “WHAT KIND OF FATHER IS SO CALLED KING JAMES!!” Makes team trade for his son as well then leaves his son in free agency. Bring the milk on the way back. Kieff morris and AD are holding it down
Miami Heat: No more injuries, do heat fight thru to make the playoffs or do they miss it and do a strategic blow up?
When healthy, this team is pretty darn nice. They got in a hole and the east is a nightmare, but this is one team I don’t want to face in the first round
Philadelphia 76ers:
The magic of last season might have ran out but there are some nice young pieces on this squad. How do they bounce back?
They got a mix of youth and vets but not enough talent to make it to the yoffs. I vote sell the vets for a solid return, hope for lotto luck, then package some picks and get a real piece
New York Knicks: Injury bug but almost past it; Kyrie, Jalen, Myles is the best big 3 in the league? And are they good enough to get out of the hole.
Now + Mo Bamba - talk about a team nobody wants in the first round. Lots of road games ahead, can they squeak into the playoffs?
New Jersey Nets: Blew it up too soon or smartly on time?
Their recent trade had some people feeling things, but bringing in Paolo next to cooper Flagg seems like a fun defense first pairing. Lotto odds may be kind to the nets looking to reload and retool
Central Division:
Chicago Bulls:
Will it finally be Luka’s year to get thru to the finals and win the whole thing or will the gauntlet of the east stop them?
Will Matt get good Matt luck like the Luka resigning, TP deal, ghost resignings, or will he get bad Matt luck and have to face an absolute fucking gauntlet of the east in the playoffs. The team has all of the tools to get it done IMO
Toronto Raptors: Another injury bug team, will they hold onto a top four seed in the east or will they drop? Either a YESsafoue or a NOsafoue.
Currently sitting at 3 and still closer to 1 than 5, I vote YESsafoue - no tounde (im just riffing at this point).
Detroit Pistons: The patchwork from last year not only held up but is officially welded together. This team is clutch AF - 1.1 did but 10 games above 500
Can they hold the playoff spot and get past the first round?
Milwaukee Bucks: This team is way older than I thought tbh. Still feisty as heck, it might be time for a retool.
Still smack dab in the playoff race, but in this east, to get thru you need to be amazing and zero offense to Derek and the bucks. They are good, but I’m not sure they are amazing. Would get a monster haul for zingus, and good value for brooks, tyus, and new stud Donte divencenzo (the big Ragu/the Michael Jordan of Delaware)
Atlanta Hawks: An absolute rollercoaster ride with some early season worries. There are still worries but at least it’s a fun ride.
Currently sitting at the 8 seed, this group of mostly youngsters fight hard and shoot well, but probably turn it over too much to do serious damage. 4 guys averaging 20 is sick though.
Indiana Pacers: The “everything is fine” meme.
Just a tough season for Tong’s pacers, the defense is still suffocating after the Goga departure but not enough buckets on the team. Bad for Tong, no pick this year, but good for Tong, he gets his picks back after. Do we get to see Tong’s first Tank (I’d watch that show, buy it Netflix)
Charlotte Hornets: the big two can only get you so far.
Historically, this team has relied on Murray, Semi, and Issac to make them a perennial playoff team. They traded Murray for some nice depth pieces last offseason but it appears this league is a superstar league and they have been hovering below 500 since. Do they blow it up at day 99 to get value for Issac as an expiring and Semi, or do they just rub it and recalibrate in the offseason with the picks back? CoJo injury hurts a lot too
Cleveland Cavaliers: Why the fuck do we keep winning when this is the last year we get our unpenalized pick?
It’s like kinda a fun story I guess. My plan was to get a little better, add yong talent, and hope to make the big leap next year with a little jump this season. Well the jump was a little bigger than anticipated but it’s fun I guess. Still have no clue what I’m gonna do next season but fuck it man. As I said in my press conference, free balling for the win
Midwest Division:
Vancouver Grizzlies: Simply what a fucking turnaround from the tank and rough lotto odds. Bane with a sick season, are they somehow favorites in the west after a 3 year tank? The Sonics have something to say about it but still one of the best stories this season . Amazing defense lead by Goga and Dyson Daniels
San Antonio Spurs: Can the acquired stars take this team to the top? Or do they need more TC progression from the young dick and his Queen?
Another amazing turnaround from our memelord Jordo. Big swings on KAT FA, LaMelo trade, KD trade, and just overall roster reconstruction keeping three main guys, McDaniels , Dick, and Queen. West playoffs will be fun
Dallas Mavericks: Tank so hard you turn out to be almost decent.
Poor Hoff, he traded so many players to try to get worse but had to keep churning trades to finally get out of the 8 seed, and he’s still pretty close. That being said, it’s not such a bad thing. He’s in a good spot to flip out of a tank whenever he wants with the assets acquired.
Houston Rockets: The pivot from outside to inside wasn’t very smooth, but it looks to be figuring itself out.
The bad TCs from PG and GP3 hurt, but Nolan is back in the playoff picture and has a way better differential (about even) than his record suggests. In the right matchup, Embiid and ayton will punish ya. The Embiid weird efficiency season is something to worry about though long term.
Denver Nuggets: Tanking pretty well for being in the MIDwest.
Yes, the grizz and spurs are great and the rockets fight but woof the rest of this division. Got a ton of value out of Chet and Kawhi though, I expect Kipke to turn it around when he feels like it, but feels like a candidate to trade other valuable guys for prospects or pieces (looking at you DLo and Matisse). Rischasche looks cool though
Minnesota Timberwolves: #FreeGiannis -
The roster is pretty barren with little depth pieces and some interesting starters that might be better suited for backup roles. With the tank reset achieved last season, Pankin can happily trot out whatever, or trade some guys and get value. Ace Bailey could be a guy but isn’t really getting enough of an opportunity to show it, would be interested to see it.
Utah Jazz: A fantastic tank job from Ralph. He’s sold his good players for solid returns and only has FVV who he can ship for ok value or try to resign on a reasonable contract and sell for higher? Let’s see what happens
Pacific Division:
Phoenix Suns: Injury devastation but this team is still in the playoff picture due to a certain region of the United States - the WEST
Let’s not fully take away from what Tyler has built. Fultz is amazing and this team at full strength is an absolute wagon. This team not at full strength has lost to the Cavs a couple of times which… well isn’t great. Somehow, still the top half of the west playoff picture
Seattle Supersonics: A consistent juggernaut that’s flirted with an idea of selling but to his advantage, nobody is taking any bites.
Your pacific leaders, the Sonics don’t look very different from the prior years. Brunson, Lavine, and now can whitmore doing his best Jaylen brown impersonation are kinda throttling teams. They have a great front court and are my favorites out of the west.
Portland Trailblazers: prime example of picking up a few pieces in the west instantly makes you a playoff team.
I know Clint is so mad at reading this anti-west literature but this story is insane. Picks up Ben Simmons and sochan with little roster changes, TC, etc, and goes from bottom dweller to (puts on glasses and raises eyebrows) 5th seed in the west! Honestly though, they were kinda perfect compliments to his offensive stats of Shabazz and Lauri so kudos to you Quady! And Jacquez, use the NDL fellas, shit like this can happen to your team!
Golden State Warriors: GSW fans and Clinton cries to the sun and moon, where is Mo Blocktavious and why has he forsaken us!
The once warrior forever is no more and life size Mo Bamba bobble heads handed out in the 2025-26 season are going for 100k on EBay. Good news is you can get a fake one from Temu for 25 smackers (no shipping included)
Sacramento Kings: the fans simply cannot keep up with the constant roster changes.
The kings arena has resorted to making Kings jerseys for every single SLN player just in case they join the kings. I’m hearing the kings have the peak jersey making technology or have just stolen a horde of Santa’s elves. Either way, this team will make the playoffs and go to the second round because that’s what they do
Los Angeles Clippers: I’m going to the playoffs turned into fuck my own pick I don’t own really quick, but at least the clips have the surefire ROTY and a ton of assets.
I’d say if the clips really wanted to make the playoffs they would. That being said, I don’t hate not giving it the full college try when your best players are rookies and second year players.
Los Angeles Lakers: Masterclass tanking job. For sure bent a little bit of the rules with the worst centers you could find but hey, at least they are bigs
Let’s say some nice things about the lakers. They’ve completely turned around Devin Vassells career and McCain looks pretty solid. Solidified the Jordan Poole cannot be a starting PG in the league though.
That is all. Hope everyone was ok with my east vs west banter. Good luck for everyone the rest of the way thru
Atlantic Division:
Orlando Magic: Will the Magic stay healthy to get to the playoffs and finally get over the hump and into the finals?
This team is so stacked after they acquired Jamal Murray. They got hit with a long Edey injury. Will they hold position in a hotly contested east?
Boston Celtics: Has the HC penalty somehow rejuvenated this team?
I think the real reason for the Celtics success this season is the newfound Jabari at SG TC plus TC gains from Reed Sheppard, and also this team has had the bones for a few seasons. But it’s funny to think about the fake players rallying together against Ashes Silver judgement gavel.
Washington Bullets: LeBron Shebron - AD is the real engine of this team and Bronnys new father.
Stephen A would be freaking out. “WHAT KIND OF FATHER IS SO CALLED KING JAMES!!” Makes team trade for his son as well then leaves his son in free agency. Bring the milk on the way back. Kieff morris and AD are holding it down
Miami Heat: No more injuries, do heat fight thru to make the playoffs or do they miss it and do a strategic blow up?
When healthy, this team is pretty darn nice. They got in a hole and the east is a nightmare, but this is one team I don’t want to face in the first round
Philadelphia 76ers:
The magic of last season might have ran out but there are some nice young pieces on this squad. How do they bounce back?
They got a mix of youth and vets but not enough talent to make it to the yoffs. I vote sell the vets for a solid return, hope for lotto luck, then package some picks and get a real piece
New York Knicks: Injury bug but almost past it; Kyrie, Jalen, Myles is the best big 3 in the league? And are they good enough to get out of the hole.
Now + Mo Bamba - talk about a team nobody wants in the first round. Lots of road games ahead, can they squeak into the playoffs?
New Jersey Nets: Blew it up too soon or smartly on time?
Their recent trade had some people feeling things, but bringing in Paolo next to cooper Flagg seems like a fun defense first pairing. Lotto odds may be kind to the nets looking to reload and retool
Central Division:
Chicago Bulls:
Will it finally be Luka’s year to get thru to the finals and win the whole thing or will the gauntlet of the east stop them?
Will Matt get good Matt luck like the Luka resigning, TP deal, ghost resignings, or will he get bad Matt luck and have to face an absolute fucking gauntlet of the east in the playoffs. The team has all of the tools to get it done IMO
Toronto Raptors: Another injury bug team, will they hold onto a top four seed in the east or will they drop? Either a YESsafoue or a NOsafoue.
Currently sitting at 3 and still closer to 1 than 5, I vote YESsafoue - no tounde (im just riffing at this point).
Detroit Pistons: The patchwork from last year not only held up but is officially welded together. This team is clutch AF - 1.1 did but 10 games above 500
Can they hold the playoff spot and get past the first round?
Milwaukee Bucks: This team is way older than I thought tbh. Still feisty as heck, it might be time for a retool.
Still smack dab in the playoff race, but in this east, to get thru you need to be amazing and zero offense to Derek and the bucks. They are good, but I’m not sure they are amazing. Would get a monster haul for zingus, and good value for brooks, tyus, and new stud Donte divencenzo (the big Ragu/the Michael Jordan of Delaware)
Atlanta Hawks: An absolute rollercoaster ride with some early season worries. There are still worries but at least it’s a fun ride.
Currently sitting at the 8 seed, this group of mostly youngsters fight hard and shoot well, but probably turn it over too much to do serious damage. 4 guys averaging 20 is sick though.
Indiana Pacers: The “everything is fine” meme.
Just a tough season for Tong’s pacers, the defense is still suffocating after the Goga departure but not enough buckets on the team. Bad for Tong, no pick this year, but good for Tong, he gets his picks back after. Do we get to see Tong’s first Tank (I’d watch that show, buy it Netflix)
Charlotte Hornets: the big two can only get you so far.
Historically, this team has relied on Murray, Semi, and Issac to make them a perennial playoff team. They traded Murray for some nice depth pieces last offseason but it appears this league is a superstar league and they have been hovering below 500 since. Do they blow it up at day 99 to get value for Issac as an expiring and Semi, or do they just rub it and recalibrate in the offseason with the picks back? CoJo injury hurts a lot too
Cleveland Cavaliers: Why the fuck do we keep winning when this is the last year we get our unpenalized pick?
It’s like kinda a fun story I guess. My plan was to get a little better, add yong talent, and hope to make the big leap next year with a little jump this season. Well the jump was a little bigger than anticipated but it’s fun I guess. Still have no clue what I’m gonna do next season but fuck it man. As I said in my press conference, free balling for the win
Midwest Division:
Vancouver Grizzlies: Simply what a fucking turnaround from the tank and rough lotto odds. Bane with a sick season, are they somehow favorites in the west after a 3 year tank? The Sonics have something to say about it but still one of the best stories this season . Amazing defense lead by Goga and Dyson Daniels
San Antonio Spurs: Can the acquired stars take this team to the top? Or do they need more TC progression from the young dick and his Queen?
Another amazing turnaround from our memelord Jordo. Big swings on KAT FA, LaMelo trade, KD trade, and just overall roster reconstruction keeping three main guys, McDaniels , Dick, and Queen. West playoffs will be fun
Dallas Mavericks: Tank so hard you turn out to be almost decent.
Poor Hoff, he traded so many players to try to get worse but had to keep churning trades to finally get out of the 8 seed, and he’s still pretty close. That being said, it’s not such a bad thing. He’s in a good spot to flip out of a tank whenever he wants with the assets acquired.
Houston Rockets: The pivot from outside to inside wasn’t very smooth, but it looks to be figuring itself out.
The bad TCs from PG and GP3 hurt, but Nolan is back in the playoff picture and has a way better differential (about even) than his record suggests. In the right matchup, Embiid and ayton will punish ya. The Embiid weird efficiency season is something to worry about though long term.
Denver Nuggets: Tanking pretty well for being in the MIDwest.
Yes, the grizz and spurs are great and the rockets fight but woof the rest of this division. Got a ton of value out of Chet and Kawhi though, I expect Kipke to turn it around when he feels like it, but feels like a candidate to trade other valuable guys for prospects or pieces (looking at you DLo and Matisse). Rischasche looks cool though
Minnesota Timberwolves: #FreeGiannis -
The roster is pretty barren with little depth pieces and some interesting starters that might be better suited for backup roles. With the tank reset achieved last season, Pankin can happily trot out whatever, or trade some guys and get value. Ace Bailey could be a guy but isn’t really getting enough of an opportunity to show it, would be interested to see it.
Utah Jazz: A fantastic tank job from Ralph. He’s sold his good players for solid returns and only has FVV who he can ship for ok value or try to resign on a reasonable contract and sell for higher? Let’s see what happens
Pacific Division:
Phoenix Suns: Injury devastation but this team is still in the playoff picture due to a certain region of the United States - the WEST
Let’s not fully take away from what Tyler has built. Fultz is amazing and this team at full strength is an absolute wagon. This team not at full strength has lost to the Cavs a couple of times which… well isn’t great. Somehow, still the top half of the west playoff picture
Seattle Supersonics: A consistent juggernaut that’s flirted with an idea of selling but to his advantage, nobody is taking any bites.
Your pacific leaders, the Sonics don’t look very different from the prior years. Brunson, Lavine, and now can whitmore doing his best Jaylen brown impersonation are kinda throttling teams. They have a great front court and are my favorites out of the west.
Portland Trailblazers: prime example of picking up a few pieces in the west instantly makes you a playoff team.
I know Clint is so mad at reading this anti-west literature but this story is insane. Picks up Ben Simmons and sochan with little roster changes, TC, etc, and goes from bottom dweller to (puts on glasses and raises eyebrows) 5th seed in the west! Honestly though, they were kinda perfect compliments to his offensive stats of Shabazz and Lauri so kudos to you Quady! And Jacquez, use the NDL fellas, shit like this can happen to your team!
Golden State Warriors: GSW fans and Clinton cries to the sun and moon, where is Mo Blocktavious and why has he forsaken us!
The once warrior forever is no more and life size Mo Bamba bobble heads handed out in the 2025-26 season are going for 100k on EBay. Good news is you can get a fake one from Temu for 25 smackers (no shipping included)
Sacramento Kings: the fans simply cannot keep up with the constant roster changes.
The kings arena has resorted to making Kings jerseys for every single SLN player just in case they join the kings. I’m hearing the kings have the peak jersey making technology or have just stolen a horde of Santa’s elves. Either way, this team will make the playoffs and go to the second round because that’s what they do
Los Angeles Clippers: I’m going to the playoffs turned into fuck my own pick I don’t own really quick, but at least the clips have the surefire ROTY and a ton of assets.
I’d say if the clips really wanted to make the playoffs they would. That being said, I don’t hate not giving it the full college try when your best players are rookies and second year players.
Los Angeles Lakers: Masterclass tanking job. For sure bent a little bit of the rules with the worst centers you could find but hey, at least they are bigs
Let’s say some nice things about the lakers. They’ve completely turned around Devin Vassells career and McCain looks pretty solid. Solidified the Jordan Poole cannot be a starting PG in the league though.
That is all. Hope everyone was ok with my east vs west banter. Good luck for everyone the rest of the way thru
FOR THE LAND - believe!
Top storylines for each team - as of day 85
Just gonna gloss over the fact that the Warriors have the first known working gif profile picture in all of SLN?!?
UNSCRUPULOUS
UNSCRUPULOUS
Santa Cruz Warriors NDL Champs: 2008, 2012, 2014
Top storylines for each team - as of day 85
All i know is i was up 2-1 on those punkass SOnicks and Ben Simmons diddled on us at PG. Dude is a franchise changer.
Santa Cruz Warriors NDL Champs: 2008, 2012, 2014
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GX.
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- Joined: February 19th, 2024, 10:07 am
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Top storylines for each team - as of day 85
Woah woah woah, waiting until leftovers to fill your roster is not bending the rules!! That’s just good tanking
2020 Bubble Boyz
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mantypas/CavsCzar
- General Manager
- Posts: 2576
- Joined: December 20th, 2023, 12:06 pm
Top storylines for each team - as of day 85
Bend don’t break baby. No accusationsGX. wrote: June 22nd, 2025, 11:59 am Woah woah woah, waiting until leftovers to fill your roster is not bending the rules!! That’s just good tanking
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