Midseason Team Breakdowns - in Haiku Form
Posted: June 23rd, 2025, 4:48 pm
We've seen some amazing analytics posts - but the Swamp is returning to our roots with trade deadline literature. Below is evidence of how little I wanted to work today:
ATLANTIC
Boston Celtics
Hard cap no matter,
Jabari's dominant run
Fueling top sleeper.
Miami Heat
Mighty Montero
Unstoppable at point guard,
Big deadline looming.
New Jersey Nets
Kittles' first campaign
Ends with dramatic sell-off.
Dream big in the Swamp!
New York Knicks
Injuries be damned,
The defending champ still looks
Like a contender.
Orlando Magic
Rui *the* super
Sub, Murray fire from deep,
Edey return looms.
Philadelphia 76ers
Unlucky year in
East gauntlet, stacked with future
Talent at guard spots.
Washington Bullets
Reaves ripping triples
Adding to stacked backcourt play
And late playoff push.
CENTRAL
Atlanta Hawks
"League Pass Favorite,"
League leader in steals, to boot.
Must clamp down on D.
Charlotte Hornets
Semi still special,
Charlotte deep with playmaking.
Needing Joseph back.
Chicago Bulls
An explosive group:
Does Otto P. ever miss?
Expect more shootouts.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Season could have been
Drunk but stayed Sorber. Frontcourt
Framework looks sturdy.
Detroit Pistons
Unicorn Bazley
Backed up by two elite guards,
But still too streaky?
Indiana Pacers
Indy's future bright,
Jalen a long-term fixture,
Buyer or seller?
Milwaukee Bucks
Big Ragu spicing
Up balanced attack. Next up:
More consistency.
Toronto Raptors
Bulging disc can't stop
Amenless team from triumph,
Wemby forever!
MIDWEST
Dallas Mavericks
Wheeling and dealing
And now Dash-ing. One to watch
In wide open West.
Denver Nuggets
Tanked decisively,
French phenom Risacher leads
Promising pivot.
Houston Rockets
Still kicking after
Slow start: can balanced Rockets
Steal some playoff games?
Minnesota Timberwolves
What's next for Giannis?
T-Wolves could strike big with key
Lotto addition
San Antonio Spurs
By the time this is
Posted, Ball will again be
Player of the Week.
Utah Jazz
Jalen potential
Off the charts: who's his running
Mate? F.A. will tell.
Vancouver Grizzlies
Facing the tank threat,
Grizz responded with balance:
Enough to win West?
PACIFIC
Golden State Warriors
Finally healthy,
Can center tandem carry
Major playoff run?
Los Angeles Clippers
Nailed number one pick -
Peterson promise stoking
Future title hopes.
Los Angeles Lakers
Public holiday
For every win. Tanked to
Perfection, no notes!
Phoenix Suns
"Severe depression"
Ends just in time. Will burn bright
When the games matter.
Portland Trail Blazers
Quietly quite good,
Are Blazers and Ben Simmons
The perfect marriage?
Sacramento Kings
Got rid of "boring"
And found the fit with Bonga,
Title run again?
Seattle Supersonics
Stocky sensations
Stop the Seattle "Sadness."
Whitmore hitting big.
ATLANTIC
Boston Celtics
Hard cap no matter,
Jabari's dominant run
Fueling top sleeper.
Miami Heat
Mighty Montero
Unstoppable at point guard,
Big deadline looming.
New Jersey Nets
Kittles' first campaign
Ends with dramatic sell-off.
Dream big in the Swamp!
New York Knicks
Injuries be damned,
The defending champ still looks
Like a contender.
Orlando Magic
Rui *the* super
Sub, Murray fire from deep,
Edey return looms.
Philadelphia 76ers
Unlucky year in
East gauntlet, stacked with future
Talent at guard spots.
Washington Bullets
Reaves ripping triples
Adding to stacked backcourt play
And late playoff push.
CENTRAL
Atlanta Hawks
"League Pass Favorite,"
League leader in steals, to boot.
Must clamp down on D.
Charlotte Hornets
Semi still special,
Charlotte deep with playmaking.
Needing Joseph back.
Chicago Bulls
An explosive group:
Does Otto P. ever miss?
Expect more shootouts.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Season could have been
Drunk but stayed Sorber. Frontcourt
Framework looks sturdy.
Detroit Pistons
Unicorn Bazley
Backed up by two elite guards,
But still too streaky?
Indiana Pacers
Indy's future bright,
Jalen a long-term fixture,
Buyer or seller?
Milwaukee Bucks
Big Ragu spicing
Up balanced attack. Next up:
More consistency.
Toronto Raptors
Bulging disc can't stop
Amenless team from triumph,
Wemby forever!
MIDWEST
Dallas Mavericks
Wheeling and dealing
And now Dash-ing. One to watch
In wide open West.
Denver Nuggets
Tanked decisively,
French phenom Risacher leads
Promising pivot.
Houston Rockets
Still kicking after
Slow start: can balanced Rockets
Steal some playoff games?
Minnesota Timberwolves
What's next for Giannis?
T-Wolves could strike big with key
Lotto addition
San Antonio Spurs
By the time this is
Posted, Ball will again be
Player of the Week.
Utah Jazz
Jalen potential
Off the charts: who's his running
Mate? F.A. will tell.
Vancouver Grizzlies
Facing the tank threat,
Grizz responded with balance:
Enough to win West?
PACIFIC
Golden State Warriors
Finally healthy,
Can center tandem carry
Major playoff run?
Los Angeles Clippers
Nailed number one pick -
Peterson promise stoking
Future title hopes.
Los Angeles Lakers
Public holiday
For every win. Tanked to
Perfection, no notes!
Phoenix Suns
"Severe depression"
Ends just in time. Will burn bright
When the games matter.
Portland Trail Blazers
Quietly quite good,
Are Blazers and Ben Simmons
The perfect marriage?
Sacramento Kings
Got rid of "boring"
And found the fit with Bonga,
Title run again?
Seattle Supersonics
Stocky sensations
Stop the Seattle "Sadness."
Whitmore hitting big.