Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

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Merv
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Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

Post by Merv »

Good morning gents! We are at a casual 36,012 feet which means…..*drum roll* BORED ON A PLANE PART III: Return of the Bored or is Revenge of the Bored, perhaps Prisoner of Bored idk but it’s OffSzn Edition.

[Major editor’s note: there was originally going to be a whole article for #2, then it looked like it wasn’t going to happen, thus the rest of the article. So congrats, 2 articles in 1!]

1. Draft Delay
Were you interested in making your pick last night? Guess again! The folks in Boston threw our tea in the harbor and left SLN in a holding pattern as some very crucial scouting information is to be acquired. Since this will immediately be dated because Joe might make the pick before I even post this, let’s discuss his options and what I’d have scouted. 4 scouts were sent in after the draft combine games…did someone look awesome or was someone terrible?!

Player A: Reed Sheppard - SG
C B C B C- A
Can play PG. Houston Rocket IRL and a draft pick Ashes lampooned on draft night to noted draft “expert” ESPN’s own Jeremy Woo (dude didn’t even like Matas Buzelis, bum). Rumor has it Reed was ranked #1 on his agency’s draft models due to an elite BLK% and STL% as a tiny white guy at Kentucky playing off ball while setting TS% records. Let’s check in on how real life has gone…46 GP averaging 4/1/1. Sick. In SLN, Reed looks like he could be surprisingly stocky and very efficient, plus he can play PG!
My scout: Inside, Handles, Strength, 3 Pt

Player B: Stephon Castle - PG
C+ C+ C+ B- C- A
He’s got an exciting mold and teams like his upside. If he was 19, this is probably more of a conversation. Handles need a bit of attention isn’t the funnest note and the below average rebounding for a 6’6 guard isn’t great. Feels like a guy loaded with Pot who is showing flashes IRL and needs TC Jesus to take him to stardom.
My scout: Inside, Handles, Jumpshot, Steals

Player C: Collin Murray-Boyles (YMCMB) - PF
B C C+ B C+ A
#1 on the leaked Kangz draft board, league sources tell me that he is indeed #1 on the internal Kang models. CMB comes out a year early, some say looking exactly like Draymond should’ve. He’s going to be very stocky and likely a good rebounder. There’s a bit of a tweener here and Joe is as old school as it gets with FBB, so I have a hard time seeing him be the pick. But 19 with a lot of upside and stocks, I’m intrigued.
My scout: Inside, Strength, Blocks, Jumpshot

Player D: Donovan Clingan (Cling Kong) - C
C C D- B B B
Would Joe take a B pot guy #1? You bet your ass he would if it’s a big butt. I’m inclined to believe Cling Kong’s dominant performance in the combine led us to this delay. Straight forward player, he’s gonna block, board, and turn it over. Enjoy Walker Kessler #1!
My scout: Inside, Strength, Blocks, Handles

My rank pre scout: Reed Sheppard, YMCMB, Clingan, Castle

He would go on to select Reed Sheppard

2. A Skillz-Jwoo Trade Discussion
I had the pleasure of being a fly on the wall for a Jesse-Jwoo trade discussion about moving around in the top 10 of this year’s draft. This originated as a joke about how I could observe and write a fun oral history, inside baseball article about two great GMs going at it and how they came to a deal.

So what happened, well, first of all, there was popcorn. Lots of it. I was basically the gif of Bill Hader munching on popcorn. Speaking of gifs, they were flowing freely. Jwoo Memojis were out and about. The deal: Jeremy was interested in moving up to select one of the four aforementioned players and Jesse wanted Dyson Daniels. After a little flirting, [editor’s note: it was a lot of flirting]

Jesse made a move! #3 overall, Marcus Smart, and a future [unclear what] for #8 overall and Dyson Daniels.

Then skillz dropped a hammer with the deal is off the table once the draft starts. [whoa whoa whoa, did jwoo convince Joe to hold up the draft?! *X Files music*] Some emojis and gifs were shared with very little conversation about the actual offer. Jesse gave some insight into a few other things he wants to do but still no intel about his plans for 3. Jeremy tried to paint himself as Nico Harrison getting Pelinka’d and was called out for that being an objectively good offer. Toumani Camara was touted as being a star or beautifully weird, whichever you prefer. Then in an effort to start the draft, a godfather offer was communicated to the Celtics and a draft board was leaked! However, no deal was struck.

Image [actually, not just SpongeBob meme]

Offer #2: #3, Marcus Smart, and GG Jackson for Dyson Daniels, Isaiah Jackson, and #18

To which jwoo responded with the eloquent: “no”
Jesse lamented jwoo’s complete softness for not engaging in any of these talks and for not giving the people the article they deserve. Once again, moving with the theme, there was no deal.
Alas, Nowitzki

HOLD UP, after writing the first chunk, we are back alive!

Jesse complained that Jwoo really chuffed his guff, ground his gears, and got his goat by not even proposing a counter offer. After some frustration over waiting for Reed Sheppard to be picked, Jesse made an aggressive move to swap 3 and the DAL 26 FRP to get the #2 overall pick. He followed up by commenting on his disappointment in Mr. Woo for not even making an offer. Woo would deflect by saying Jesse clearly had someone in mind (YMCMB), to which Jesse countered with some real guile that he was hoping JWoo would ride in like a white knight to give him a good offer. [insert popcorn gif] Jesse then hammered home that he just traded a future FRP to get this pick so JWoo can go ahead and bake that into the price. JWoo was clearly spinning until Jesse dropped the real hammer, and I direct quote here for my readers, “And you will have the best player in the draft…bc it wasn’t Reed.” While completely shook, JWoo could help but mention that he was completely torn. [GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN] The cap strategy departments of the Kings and Raptors were operating at max capacity on this draft day trying to find all of the ways around some pesky salary issues and throw around some NDL salary “willy nilly” since it no longer matters. Jesse picked Collin Murray-Boyles in mild frustration with Jeremy’s torn pondering, potentially ending our deal there. However, it would turn out, that’s just who the Raptors wanted and the deal was BACK ON!

Finally an offer from Jwoo:
#2 CMB, Andrew Nembhard, and Marcus Smart
For
Dyson Daniels and #8

Some additional CBA noodling led to the discovery that the Kings could draft a guy in the 2nd, trade him as salary, and then have the Raptors cut him for free. It looked as if we were finally there. The finish line was in sight. A trade between two of SLN’s premier franchises and GMs. A major draft day trade, the 2nd 2nd overall pick Jesse would trade in the last 75 SLN days. Alas, Nembhard may be too pricy. He is undiminished and due +12 ish gains. Jesse pushes back on this offer from Jeremy, and we find ourselves in a stalemate. 😟.

The Kings come in with a final offer! He demands an answer before they know who is at 8 because that’s “high stakes fun”

CMB, Marcus Smart, Andrew Nembhard, SRP salary
For
Dyson Daniels, #8, and 888 RP

Jeremy complains he isn’t RP rich like he was in the Ballmer era. Jesse counters he has the 3rd most RP in the league. We all wait for an answer with bated breath. [insert gif of Caddyshack, “Well….we’re waiting”]

An inevitable counter from the master haggler, Jeremy said 420 RP is half of 888 RP [Matt and JBurns, what kind of clown school did y’all go to with that math]

Jesse came back with, and this is good enough I quote,

“Lololol
You are getting a ton of surplus value by me openly trying to overlay. If RPs are gonna get in the way of it, that is a no for me dawg. That’s my offer. “

A counter, Jwoo is in if Jesse will take Mo Gueye [pronounced Gay] in the NDL. [how was a name like Mo Gueye not a sleeper]

Jesse would SLAM THE DOOR SHUT. One could say, not to be a dick, but he’s not taking on dead salary for nothing. The salary and NDL slot affects the Kings long-term plans. Jesse advises Jwoo to know when you’ve got a good thing and to take the deal.

After some whining about how the Kings were going to kill a deal over Gueye rights, Jwoo finally caved and took the deal. Jwoo coined the nickname Collin Murray-Butt and immediately gave Jesse seller’s remorse.

In the post trade press conference, the Kings were astonished they traded a future first to move up just to do this deal. The Raptors GM thanked Joe and the Boston Celtics because without his delay, some might call it #TheGreatDelay, this trade never would’ve happened.

When asked about the move and its impact on the Kings, Jesse Heussner would say, “As a man who has spent my favorite year of my life in Australia (studying abroad down undaaaaa), getting a steal king from the special land was a priority. He was #1 in our hearts”

Raptors GM, Jeremy Woo, released the following statement after making the move, “We’re familiar with Marcus and what he brings to the table. Our scouts loved Andrew in the NDL. Jose is hungry and was one of the best backups in the league last year — he’s angry the commissioner wouldn’t let him be a starter. We’re grateful to Dyson and he will go on to do great things, but we’re confident we’ll be able to recreate him in the aggregate for now.”

3. Free Agency
First of all, get them bids in my G’s. Second, let’s take a peek at the 5 best guys on the market, 1 breakout guy, and other ruminations.

The Dudes
1. Joel Embiid - 30 A- A- B A- A- C
29.6 / 12.5 / 4.1 with 2.6 stocks and 2.9 tov
.482 / .455 / .913
Pretty simple here. Full max for Nolan. Expect Hoff to get cute and try 19M flat instead of a full boat for his star.
Prediction: Mavericks - 95M/5

2. Zach LaVine - 29 B+ A B+ A- C C
27.7 / 7.0 / 3.8 with 2.5 stocks and 2.4 tov
.525 / .489 / .859
Another full max for Nolan. I think Nick comes in with an aggressive flat deal around 20-21. Losing Zach would be disastrous for him.
Prediction: SoNicks - 120M/6

3. Markelle Fultz - 26 B A- B+ A- C B
29.1 / 5.8 / 10.1 with 2.0 stocks and 2.5 tov
.497 / .391 / .898
The real crown jewel of FA. An MVP PG at the ripe age of 26! My belief is Bobby cannot offer above the 15M max because of where his 3 year deal capped out at based on what happened with Manu. @ashes can you confirm what Bobby’s max offer # is for future reference? Beware RFA guys, Luka can be this same nightmare. Nolan full 6 year max at 15M
Prediction: Rockets - 112.5M/6

4. Paul George - 34 B A- C A C C
24.2 / 6.8 / 3.0 with 2.9 stocks and 2.0 tov
.475 / .425 / .844
If I’m Nolan, I don’t think I’m bidding on PG day 1 which leads me to my below market prediction. However, Nolan historically gives no fucks about big deals [looking at you Pascal]. PG is old as hell but still very productive and provides elite defense on the wing.
Prediction: Kings 13M/1

5. Bismack Biyombo - 32 C D D A- A- D
4.3 / 10.4 / 0.5 with 2.8 stocks and 1.2 tov
.362 / .000 / .543
One of the last big butts and a guy who has historically taken extremely below market 2M deals finally tests free agency. In a normal market, I bet this guy is on a 12-15M deal like Kevon Looney. I’d guess Nolan offers 10M/3.
Prediction: Knicks 13M/1

Breakout Player
Jaden McDaniels - 24 A- B+ C- A C- C
13.3 / 4.3 / 1.1 with 2.3 stocks and 0.9 tov
.453 / .344 / .857
Kind of low usage but great handles and very stocky, doing about 1 block per game on the wing. Jaden is good rebounding from being amazing. Instead he’s kind of an interesting player where he adds a lot of value with one major flaw. Please never let him join a team with one of those 10 RPG PGs. Wouldn’t shock me to see Nolan come in with an 8M ish for 4 year offer

Ruminations
1. I think Haliburton goes back to Detroit on a bargain deal if he signs on day 1
2. Isaac Okoro is great if he makes 6M and less great if he makes 12M
3. Chris Boucher [BooShay] has turned into a really solid SF that everyone would love to have. If he gets snagged on an MLE that’s sick
4. MLEs on MLEs. There will guaranteed be some good deals signed this FA
5. Hard Cap Alert: teams within 10M of the hard cap include POR, IND, PHX, WAS, and DEN. If they have multiple solid FAs, someone is gone
6. Birdies: the Hornets have just 1 bird rights guy in Kazemi. The Jazz have just 1 in Dakari Johnson. The Clippers have just 1 in Markelle Fultz.
7. Will Immanuel Quickley finally get a chance to be PG or will Pankin #PayTheMan
8. Quick butt rankings: Embiid, Biyombo, Monroe, Wiseman, Skal, Gafford, Timelord, BeefStew, Whiteside, RoLo, Nurkic
Last edited by Merv on April 1st, 2025, 10:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Jesse
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Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

Post by Jesse »

Worth the read!
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Joe
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Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

Post by Joe »

My next article idea is going to be the Skillz playbook of "things you say to get somebody to take your offer"
Celtics ah the balls
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Merv
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Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

Post by Merv »

I guess count this for my first article bonus @Joe . Oral history of a trade should be unique content
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Wes
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Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

Post by Wes »

Very fun read. Nice job Merv!
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heimer
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Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

Post by heimer »

sometimes oral is better
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
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heimer
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Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

Post by heimer »

gueye rights matter
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
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Joe
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Bored on a Plane Part 3: Return of the Deal

Post by Joe »

Grade: 850 RP
Quality content bonus: 100RP

Total: 950RP
Celtics ah the balls

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