Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2024 Lotto)
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs (2024 Lotto)
I will do my best to react in real time and although I would jump through hoops for this league, I am not a circus monkey.
2024 SLN Draft:
1. Boston Celtics select: Reed Sheppard
I hate this pick about as much as I hate that we delayed the draft a day just for Joe to make a pick I hate this much. First of all, this kid does not know how to grow a mustache - which I fear is about as detrimental to a mans character as it is their playing ability. Second, he's a shooting guard and this isn't Manu Chernobyl. And lastly, Reed could start with "A Inside" while showing off his translucent skin on a hot summer day and I would still say it's all jumping. This chronically late Sheppard either can't spell read or his parents view him as a flimsy sheet of tissue paper who goes through life like a "reed in the wind."
2. SacTown acquired from Houston >>> SacTown KANGZ select: Collin Murray-Boyles aka YMCMB aka C-M-BEEF aka Certified Meat Bucket
Edey who ? Jesse trading up is a scary sight. He knows what Beef should look like. He can snuff-out a fake Beef, better known as a Detlef Shrimp. The real beef ? He smells it from around the block. It's a subtle smell only a refined nose like Jesse's can sense and the king wants his beef - C-M-BEEF ! He is a fine beefy butt that projects to eat at both ends of the floor.
When does Jesse trade this #2 pick ? As opposed to last year when Jesse was forced to take Edey #2, he SAC'd up and moved up a spot to get his guy. The start of something new ? Something about this feels KANG4LYFE !! HAHA JK Jesse traded him already.
Jwoo trades up from #8 to grab the certified meat bucket with Jesse placing a big fat bet on "The Vacuum" Dyson Daniels. The Raptors are outfitted with a top young frontcourt showcasing Wemby, C-M-B, and Isaiah Jackson - all on incredibly team friendly contracts. With the Wemby stipulation impacting Toronto's cap space for another season expect another year of playing a young group before building around these players with high-ceilings. Jwoo you are not getting Shai - get it through your skull.
3. Houston acquired from SacTown >>> Houston Selects: Donovan Klingan aka Kling Kong aka Kling Klong
Similar to Joe, Nolan had a nervy moment (a Joement) but instead of panicking and drafting a slender leaved plant, Nolan handled his business and acquires a future Dallas 2026 FRP from SacTown while moving down a single slot. Highly talented GMs in the NFL make similar moves on draft night, where they trade down X amount of picks because they have X amount of guys they'd draft and rather take the value plus the last man remaining. In this case, Nolan had 2 guys he wanted to draft and rather than SACing up and drafting the guy with the highest upside to be a 2-way, game-changing player, Nolan opted for the value prop + the guy Jesse didn't take at #2. Objectively, I take CMB and develop him but when you consider the position the Rockets are in and the player they get in Kling Klong this seems like a solid, veteran move. True Big Butt's are a dying breed and this guy could be the gorilla that takes over a city, and in this world it's Houston.
4. New Jersey SWAMP selects: Stephon Castle aka Winn-Dixie Sam Cassell
King of the Castle ? Yes exactly like King Henry VI who inherited “the castle” as a modern day infant. His weak leadership and mental instability were akin to the fabled yet infamous Joffrey Lannister - contributing to the loss of the Hundred Years’ War and the subsequent triggering of the War of Roses.
Castle’s passing will prove difficult to handle unless his handles pass the bar that is 100. You can’t build a castle on a swamp but can SwampaSteve ? As Matt points out - Ashes might be out to prove a point in mentioning the status quo of pass-first point guards. Time will tell on this Dragon… TCs too.
5. Vancouver Grizzlies select: Kel’el Ware son of Jor’el Ware
If you smoke crack the odds of getting high and naming your kid after a comic book character go up astronomically - but at least you get to blame it on crack. These guys were sober and named their kids after superman and his dead or alive father in Kryptonian. What a bunch of nerds. Not to mention - I'm pretty sure Ashes is more of a MCU guy than DCU guy.
Josh and the Grizz select a defensive stalwart and rebounding machine in Kel'el. While Kel'el may not be superman, his teammates will grow to think of him as such - even if he shoots too much. This Nitty gritty Grizzly will surely be better than Capela&Co.
6. Philadelphia 76ers select: Bronny James aka LeBronny
LeLegacy at last !! DMO's wetdream cums to life. I can't help but imagine the massive tent in DMOs shorts ala poTENTial boost to both LeBron and Bronny. Could Bronny end up with 100 potential from this stip ? If so, or anything along these lines, DMO hit a homerun. I love DMO. This man is doing his own damn thing even if it is or was once deemed silly or pointless or flat out crazy, DMOs fingerprints are all over this team. When this man wins the championship with these two James' it will be without-a-doubt the greatest moment in SLN history.
7. Vancouver Grizzlies select: Alex Sarr aka Sarr Sarr Binks
When Alex was a small child he was called Sarr Sarr Stinks since he smelled like he hadn't showered in ages. Alex was always a light jog away from sending the entire classroom to the infirmary. Then he got athlete's foot and after spraying his stinky feet morning and night he said he had enough of the stinky rinky and started to shower daily. Sarr Sarr realized he gained a feeling of inspiration from the showers, especially when it was with the guys. It became routine to shower not only in the morning but between quarters. His play and overall explosiveness improved so much he wanted to push the envelop even more and start showering between plays. His dedication is apparent but will he be strong enough to play with the big fellas ? I have 30 pounds on the guy and he is a foot taller than me, although maybe that says more about me than him. Fat fuck. At least I don't stink.
8. SacTown acquired from Toronto aka Ladonto >>> SacTown Kangz select: Matas Buzelis aka Lil Buzi Vert
Lil Buzi Vert is his real nickname and I cannot do better. I saw this young legend score 28 points against Dallas a few nights ago adding to an already great rookie season in the NBA. How does Ashes look at his IRL rookie stat line and not make him amazing ? And he's Lithuanian ! Not all of the Lithuanian SLN players have been good but a couple are amazing and most are at the very least interesting. I am not Zydrunas that Linas Kleizas but if so that's Sabonis.
9. Detroit Pistons select: Filip Jovic
The talented Serbian is on his way to a new home with a side (entree?) of culture shock in Detroit. Jovic is about to Filip out when he lands to the sight of foreclosed homes and the scent of collard greens. However, when he arrives to The Palace he will witness greatness playing next to Darius Bazley on a nightly basis. RB has dreamed of his stocky rebounding Baz balling alongside an offensive playmaking stretch-4 and today is his lucky day - Jovic fell right into RBs lap. And he may not be blockin' but he is Balkan. Play the man.
10. SacTown KANGZ select: Jared McCain
KANGERZ with the BANGERZ. Neither Matas nor McCain are "Profile Guys" making it now 2 players the KANGZ drafted over Profile guys. What do those in the KANGZ front office know that we don't ? Everything. He's a good scorer that is described as effective from most areas of the court. So while being a bad defender who can't rebound if he were playing amongst little people, he's very quick with noted high upside. Here's a prediction - McCain will play backup point guard most of the year and score an insane amount for a rookie. Jesse once again loads up on young scoring to pair up with glue guys like Gary Payton II and Justise Winslow. RIP John McCain.
11. Minnesota Timberwolves aka Minnesooooooooda select: Tidjane "Titty Jane" Salaün
Titty Jane brings more mediocrity to Minnesooooda with good upside and a great croissant. But Ben - what are we doing here ? A PF ? Giannis ?! KAT ?! The Timberwolves have a hole the size of The Gulf of America at SF and Ron Holland, who has a chance to be a coveted 2-way wing, was right there!! Maybe there's some shady backdoor deal with the French cookie Macron. This is a signal that Pankin is about to make a trade and bring in a proper set of wings to compliment his best in class frontcourt, right ? Even though it hasn't happened once in Giannis' 11 year experience ? Yep - Titty Jane is on the black block market. Salaun French boy !!
12. Boston Celtics select Ron Holland aka The Black Dutch Master
GIMME THESE COOKIES !! Finally, Joe makes a good pick. Last season Joe tried using his Sorry Kid after the deadline and like a repeat offender seeking bail, he was emphatically denied. Good !! I believe that will be going to The Black Dutch Master, whomstds name originates from his exceptional blunt rolling abilities and a nod to his favorite product. This is a match made in heaven since Joe also loves dutches. I would know we've smoked a lot of dutches together. Quick story time - there was this one time Joe invited me to see the premier of the new hobbit movie. On the way to the theatre we smoked a fat ass blunt perfectly rolled by yours truly. We had a few windows cracked and some old guy driving behind us pulls up to our right and shouts with all his might, "I can smell that shit from here!!" - then angrily drives off. I fell asleep 10 minutes in. Good times. Holland is a capable finisher and is gifted with great physical tools to play the wing from the jump. Joe must be giddy with a fully pitched tent filled with pot. He's got Ja Morant, Reed Sheppard, and Ron Holland locked up as long term talented prospects with lots of room to grow - especially Sheppard's stache.
13. Los Angeles Lakes select Jaylen Wells
GX needs to do all he can to acquire talent and find solid players with good upside. Swing and.. Crack of the bat !! Bonzi Wells sucked so this guy could be good. How good ? Not sure but I like guys who start with a good base of ratings. Wells is more than solid offensively and should flash his good jumpshot as a rookie in LA. Defensively Wells is very average and surely isn't a good rebounder, however, I could see a situation where his solid athleticism, good jumpshot, and high upside taking him over the hump with a few above average TCs.
2024 SLN Draft:
1. Boston Celtics select: Reed Sheppard
I hate this pick about as much as I hate that we delayed the draft a day just for Joe to make a pick I hate this much. First of all, this kid does not know how to grow a mustache - which I fear is about as detrimental to a mans character as it is their playing ability. Second, he's a shooting guard and this isn't Manu Chernobyl. And lastly, Reed could start with "A Inside" while showing off his translucent skin on a hot summer day and I would still say it's all jumping. This chronically late Sheppard either can't spell read or his parents view him as a flimsy sheet of tissue paper who goes through life like a "reed in the wind."
2. SacTown acquired from Houston >>> SacTown KANGZ select: Collin Murray-Boyles aka YMCMB aka C-M-BEEF aka Certified Meat Bucket
Edey who ? Jesse trading up is a scary sight. He knows what Beef should look like. He can snuff-out a fake Beef, better known as a Detlef Shrimp. The real beef ? He smells it from around the block. It's a subtle smell only a refined nose like Jesse's can sense and the king wants his beef - C-M-BEEF ! He is a fine beefy butt that projects to eat at both ends of the floor.
When does Jesse trade this #2 pick ? As opposed to last year when Jesse was forced to take Edey #2, he SAC'd up and moved up a spot to get his guy. The start of something new ? Something about this feels KANG4LYFE !! HAHA JK Jesse traded him already.
Jwoo trades up from #8 to grab the certified meat bucket with Jesse placing a big fat bet on "The Vacuum" Dyson Daniels. The Raptors are outfitted with a top young frontcourt showcasing Wemby, C-M-B, and Isaiah Jackson - all on incredibly team friendly contracts. With the Wemby stipulation impacting Toronto's cap space for another season expect another year of playing a young group before building around these players with high-ceilings. Jwoo you are not getting Shai - get it through your skull.
3. Houston acquired from SacTown >>> Houston Selects: Donovan Klingan aka Kling Kong aka Kling Klong
Similar to Joe, Nolan had a nervy moment (a Joement) but instead of panicking and drafting a slender leaved plant, Nolan handled his business and acquires a future Dallas 2026 FRP from SacTown while moving down a single slot. Highly talented GMs in the NFL make similar moves on draft night, where they trade down X amount of picks because they have X amount of guys they'd draft and rather take the value plus the last man remaining. In this case, Nolan had 2 guys he wanted to draft and rather than SACing up and drafting the guy with the highest upside to be a 2-way, game-changing player, Nolan opted for the value prop + the guy Jesse didn't take at #2. Objectively, I take CMB and develop him but when you consider the position the Rockets are in and the player they get in Kling Klong this seems like a solid, veteran move. True Big Butt's are a dying breed and this guy could be the gorilla that takes over a city, and in this world it's Houston.
4. New Jersey SWAMP selects: Stephon Castle aka Winn-Dixie Sam Cassell
King of the Castle ? Yes exactly like King Henry VI who inherited “the castle” as a modern day infant. His weak leadership and mental instability were akin to the fabled yet infamous Joffrey Lannister - contributing to the loss of the Hundred Years’ War and the subsequent triggering of the War of Roses.
Castle’s passing will prove difficult to handle unless his handles pass the bar that is 100. You can’t build a castle on a swamp but can SwampaSteve ? As Matt points out - Ashes might be out to prove a point in mentioning the status quo of pass-first point guards. Time will tell on this Dragon… TCs too.
5. Vancouver Grizzlies select: Kel’el Ware son of Jor’el Ware
If you smoke crack the odds of getting high and naming your kid after a comic book character go up astronomically - but at least you get to blame it on crack. These guys were sober and named their kids after superman and his dead or alive father in Kryptonian. What a bunch of nerds. Not to mention - I'm pretty sure Ashes is more of a MCU guy than DCU guy.
Josh and the Grizz select a defensive stalwart and rebounding machine in Kel'el. While Kel'el may not be superman, his teammates will grow to think of him as such - even if he shoots too much. This Nitty gritty Grizzly will surely be better than Capela&Co.
6. Philadelphia 76ers select: Bronny James aka LeBronny
LeLegacy at last !! DMO's wetdream cums to life. I can't help but imagine the massive tent in DMOs shorts ala poTENTial boost to both LeBron and Bronny. Could Bronny end up with 100 potential from this stip ? If so, or anything along these lines, DMO hit a homerun. I love DMO. This man is doing his own damn thing even if it is or was once deemed silly or pointless or flat out crazy, DMOs fingerprints are all over this team. When this man wins the championship with these two James' it will be without-a-doubt the greatest moment in SLN history.
7. Vancouver Grizzlies select: Alex Sarr aka Sarr Sarr Binks
When Alex was a small child he was called Sarr Sarr Stinks since he smelled like he hadn't showered in ages. Alex was always a light jog away from sending the entire classroom to the infirmary. Then he got athlete's foot and after spraying his stinky feet morning and night he said he had enough of the stinky rinky and started to shower daily. Sarr Sarr realized he gained a feeling of inspiration from the showers, especially when it was with the guys. It became routine to shower not only in the morning but between quarters. His play and overall explosiveness improved so much he wanted to push the envelop even more and start showering between plays. His dedication is apparent but will he be strong enough to play with the big fellas ? I have 30 pounds on the guy and he is a foot taller than me, although maybe that says more about me than him. Fat fuck. At least I don't stink.
8. SacTown acquired from Toronto aka Ladonto >>> SacTown Kangz select: Matas Buzelis aka Lil Buzi Vert
Lil Buzi Vert is his real nickname and I cannot do better. I saw this young legend score 28 points against Dallas a few nights ago adding to an already great rookie season in the NBA. How does Ashes look at his IRL rookie stat line and not make him amazing ? And he's Lithuanian ! Not all of the Lithuanian SLN players have been good but a couple are amazing and most are at the very least interesting. I am not Zydrunas that Linas Kleizas but if so that's Sabonis.
9. Detroit Pistons select: Filip Jovic
The talented Serbian is on his way to a new home with a side (entree?) of culture shock in Detroit. Jovic is about to Filip out when he lands to the sight of foreclosed homes and the scent of collard greens. However, when he arrives to The Palace he will witness greatness playing next to Darius Bazley on a nightly basis. RB has dreamed of his stocky rebounding Baz balling alongside an offensive playmaking stretch-4 and today is his lucky day - Jovic fell right into RBs lap. And he may not be blockin' but he is Balkan. Play the man.
10. SacTown KANGZ select: Jared McCain
KANGERZ with the BANGERZ. Neither Matas nor McCain are "Profile Guys" making it now 2 players the KANGZ drafted over Profile guys. What do those in the KANGZ front office know that we don't ? Everything. He's a good scorer that is described as effective from most areas of the court. So while being a bad defender who can't rebound if he were playing amongst little people, he's very quick with noted high upside. Here's a prediction - McCain will play backup point guard most of the year and score an insane amount for a rookie. Jesse once again loads up on young scoring to pair up with glue guys like Gary Payton II and Justise Winslow. RIP John McCain.
11. Minnesota Timberwolves aka Minnesooooooooda select: Tidjane "Titty Jane" Salaün
Titty Jane brings more mediocrity to Minnesooooda with good upside and a great croissant. But Ben - what are we doing here ? A PF ? Giannis ?! KAT ?! The Timberwolves have a hole the size of The Gulf of America at SF and Ron Holland, who has a chance to be a coveted 2-way wing, was right there!! Maybe there's some shady backdoor deal with the French cookie Macron. This is a signal that Pankin is about to make a trade and bring in a proper set of wings to compliment his best in class frontcourt, right ? Even though it hasn't happened once in Giannis' 11 year experience ? Yep - Titty Jane is on the black block market. Salaun French boy !!
12. Boston Celtics select Ron Holland aka The Black Dutch Master
GIMME THESE COOKIES !! Finally, Joe makes a good pick. Last season Joe tried using his Sorry Kid after the deadline and like a repeat offender seeking bail, he was emphatically denied. Good !! I believe that will be going to The Black Dutch Master, whomstds name originates from his exceptional blunt rolling abilities and a nod to his favorite product. This is a match made in heaven since Joe also loves dutches. I would know we've smoked a lot of dutches together. Quick story time - there was this one time Joe invited me to see the premier of the new hobbit movie. On the way to the theatre we smoked a fat ass blunt perfectly rolled by yours truly. We had a few windows cracked and some old guy driving behind us pulls up to our right and shouts with all his might, "I can smell that shit from here!!" - then angrily drives off. I fell asleep 10 minutes in. Good times. Holland is a capable finisher and is gifted with great physical tools to play the wing from the jump. Joe must be giddy with a fully pitched tent filled with pot. He's got Ja Morant, Reed Sheppard, and Ron Holland locked up as long term talented prospects with lots of room to grow - especially Sheppard's stache.
13. Los Angeles Lakes select Jaylen Wells
GX needs to do all he can to acquire talent and find solid players with good upside. Swing and.. Crack of the bat !! Bonzi Wells sucked so this guy could be good. How good ? Not sure but I like guys who start with a good base of ratings. Wells is more than solid offensively and should flash his good jumpshot as a rookie in LA. Defensively Wells is very average and surely isn't a good rebounder, however, I could see a situation where his solid athleticism, good jumpshot, and high upside taking him over the hump with a few above average TCs.
Last edited by heimer on April 2nd, 2025, 10:33 am, edited 20 times in total.
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs
Oop i did not see this my bad
Santa Cruz Warriors NDL Champs: 2008, 2012, 2014
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs
imitation is the highest form of flattery
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs
the cleaning ladies fucked up my timeline to write this and must run out for a few hours. will be back. clint its your time to shine babeh
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs
trying really hard to keep it from getting weird but i cant make any promises
Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
And we ride on dem thangs like ev-ery day
Big beats, hit streets, see gangstahs roamin'
And parties don't stop 'til eight in the Monin
-
jwoo
- General Manager
- Posts: 3782
- Joined: December 30th, 2023, 3:58 pm
- Location: French Canada
- Contact:
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs
poTENTial made me laugh
trade me shai you fuck
trade me shai you fuck
free healthcare has never been more important
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs
Do not recommend reading at work if you don't have your own office
-
jwoo
- General Manager
- Posts: 3782
- Joined: December 30th, 2023, 3:58 pm
- Location: French Canada
- Contact:
Heimer's "nOt sO" LIVE dRafT rEaCtiONs
reading this is making me want to get stoned and re-read it
free healthcare has never been more important
-
- Newest Posts
- Top Active Users
- Newest Users
